This sounds crazy but doing this in all the craziness I came to realise I sat comfortably in other people shadows. I felt a sense of purpose. As I could understand their hurt, see how to help them unravel their pain to connect to them to their soul truth. I felt so much compassion for others and a pull to naturally hold space for them to see them how I longed to be truly seen. This was definitely part of my purpose but at the time it was another way to avoid my own shadows. I was sabotaging myself completely, to my own detriment and emotional self-neglect. It was all connected, as it validated my deepest beliefs of myself, that I wasn’t enough or lovable just as I am. So, I stayed in the suffering and was addicted to the struggle, I kept pushing and hustling to make everything happen in my life.
Don’t get me wrong I had created and experienced some amazing things, great love and travelled, lived in many parts of the world. I had an awesome and exciting, happy life I truly did. But on the inside, I still had this longing, this desire for more, the problem was I was searching in the wrong place, outside of myself. Due to this search I kept forging ahead not listening to my truth, until life came to a massive holt when I got very sick with Chronic Fatigue and Lupus. My immune system completely shut down and I was just surviving day by day. My adrenals were shot, my digestive system compromised, skin covered in rash, I had no energy and completely run down and fatigued.
This was my “Mack truck” my Wakeup call, as I lost the ability to do, push and drive my life any longer. I was at my lowest physically and mentally and I knew deeply it was bigger than my diet as I have always been a very healthy eater. My lowest point in life was my greatest gift. It was time to dive deep and this time I finally realised the answers I longed and searched where not going to be found outside of myself. This was an inside job, to unravel all my limiting beliefs, patterns that I had created from a young age to survive and protect myself and my heart. It was time for me to truly become me and step into my light. The only way forward was to feel, heal and love and accept my shadows, my imperfections and everything I created that separated myself from my truth, my soul, my purpose.
Healing myself was a huge challenge, it took time, but I was changed on every level forever. I have experienced many things since including creating two amazing humans. My loves and biggest teachers.
The game changer to now came when I found the work of my friend and mentor Belinda Davidson. She gave me the tools to change my life by working with my own energy. Through meditation, balancing my chakras and working with the white light my life started to reconnect It completely shifted again aligning me to my true self and souls work.
My life and healing journey so far has opened me to discover alternate and holistic ways to support my health. Not only through nourishing my physical body through diet and movement. But to connect and deepen into myself through my breathwork, yoga, meditation, daily rituals and selfcare. It has allowed me to be courageous enough to walk my talk and to be authentically and imperfectly the best version of me.
Through my journey back to me, I hope I can inspire you with my support to do the same.